2011

It's been another 365 days.

I'm not going to say "happy new year", because I'm fucking tired of hearing that everywhere I go.  At the same time, it'd be wrong of me to not reflect..

So.  

What the fuck did I do in 2010?

I've been thinking a little bit about it these past couple days, and I can say that 2010 started out as one of the worst years I've had, and ended as one of the best.  Sorta.

I started out the year as a wreck.  Just obnoxious hopelessness.  I was one of those people I can't fucking stand.   From there, it transitioned into an OCD-driven, intense couple months where I shrunk down a bunch and tried to re-access everything I was doing.  Things still weren't so great.  I was pretty unhappy, but I was getting by.  

Summer came, and I tried living on my own.  It was great at first, but the people I was living with made everything shit, and then I realized that regardless of who I lived with, I wouldn't be able to afford my own apartment and go to school, so I moved back home.

A couple solid months of nothingness, just anticipation.

Then my ether returned to these United States of America.  That mesmerizing group of five guys that have successfully captured my eyes and heart from the time I was just a kid, up until now.  I spent those couple months working my ass off and saving every penny so I could follow them around the west coast.   Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, and Portland.  I met up with some of the best people I know, and we saw this band and we screamed and screamed until we couldn't scream anymore.

I came back aching and covered in bruises, but I was on this adrenaline rush.  This noise-induced dopamine kick that I couldn't and didn't want to shake off.

An exact week later, I began a journey that would change the course of my life forever.

.....  DUN DUN DUN.

I started hair school.  I remember the first time I walked into those doors and talked to anyone in there.  I was nervous, but I still had that layer of confidence underneath my skin.  It was more like... a destiny-filled kind of confidence.  I saw this place and I knew it was for me.  I had been indecisive about everything up until that moment, and I knew that for the time being, I didn't belong anywhere else.

My first day of school, and that orange-haired girl I talked to before everything began ended up being one of my teachers.  I thought she was a student.  (Well, I guess originally she was?)

I have the best teachers.  I've never had teachers like this.

A couple months after school starts, I work my first legitimate runway show.  I'm in heaven.  I realize this really is what I want to do.  This is my function.  Everything up until now hasn't been for nothing, because right now is euphoric.  Drugs can't give you that feeling.

I wake up every morning a little groggy, but I'm still happy to drive to school every day.  101 traffic doesn't bother me much.  I usually blast music too loud to give a shit about sitting in traffic.  Most days I don't drive alone, either, and that's nice.

So this year, 

I beat myself up

I ran around the country

 I became a jellyfish and ventured into space

I started to lay down the foundation for tomorrow's mansion

I met some of the best people I've ever met in my entire life

I've lost what used to be some of the best people in my entire life

I've become a little more determined

I've remained a creature of habit

But most of all,  . . . .

I don't know.  I guess I'm still the same person I was before.  

You know, it doesn't feel that different.  New years never feel monumentally different.  But there'll be more opportunities and more chances this year.

So here's some resolutions for 2011

 - take a client every day of january

- become incredible

- pass state board

- don't become distracted by things or people that hinder my goals

- shrink some more

- more runway shows

I said fucking good luck