Piano song, play piano soooonggg

Dear Chopin,

Come to LA in the form of a hot chick and serenade me with piano love songs.

Sincerely,

Bailie




But no seriously, it's fucking Friday. 

I feel like a lot of the people around me have been dried up of all of the passion in them.  No one wants to do anything.  No one wants to take clients.  No one wants to go to school.  No one wants to stay at school.

They want a license and they want the money and they want the late nights doing whatever the fuck they want but only GG in heaven knows how the fuck they're gonna come about all of that.

The worst is it's highly toxic and transmitted through airborne pathogens. 

Just turns eager people into lazy people.  Let's all sit in the back of the break room and do nothing.

Let's pretend we're working.  Let's pretend we can't actually work because we're too behind with our work to work (that makes sense, right?).

I'm embarrassed when I see new kids taking tours, and I want to tell them to turn around and go somewhere else if they're serious about what they want to do.

I'm feeling sad, because it's beginning to roll into those months of unbearable heat, which means no more sweaters and definitely no more ushankas.   My hair gets to stay white though.  But definitely no more sophisticated sweater looks for the winter, because it was boiling today.

What the fuck is a man supposed to do?  I guess go out and buy summer clothes in... black? 

Honestly though I just want to stop being broke and go out and buy shoes and stuff.  I haven't bought clothes in months and I'm dyiiiing.

Anyway I'm being super lazy right now.   I need to go put my gym clothes on and run a few miles.  I'm so tired but I have toooo.   

Because I was promised free clothes and a night out if I abstain from smoking and keep working out until my birthday.  Fuuuck yeaaaaahh

FFFFFUUUU

STEP ONE GET OFF MY ASS

STEP TWO QUIT SMOKING

So I just started running again for the first time in fucking months aaauuughh.   When school started, I had a weird living situation and weird money situation so I had canceled my gym membership and I'm too weird about running around outside once it's dark.  And I'm also too lazy to wake up early enough before school to run outside in the mornings.  So I just stopped exercising.

But I've gotten so fed up lately not getting up and moving everyday.  It makes me feel lethargic and sluggish and it was a good go-to for stress.  Soothes my anxiety.  So I went out and bought a new gym pass yesterday.   I ran for an hour tonight, and christ my lungs.  They feel like they're on fire still.

Last year when I'd run everyday I didn't smoke at all, but when I stopped running I started smoking again.  Boooo.   So I'm quitting now.  Threw away my pack, now I'm accountable, nooowww I can't smoke anymore.


Wish me luck

It's all right.

When the end of the world happens, we can sit outside and drink until we wake up the next morning hung over.

I can carry you on my back

Flash in the dark makes me look pissed off.

I am soooo tiiiireeeeddddd.  I never ever sleep anymore and I need to start back up again.  There's just no time for it lately.  So I'm sitting on my lunch break right now.  Originally I wanted to take a nap for my break but when I got home I figured if I went to sleep I wouldn't want to wake up and go back to work...  so that brings me here.

Despite that, it's not too bad.  I think when I get home I'll watch some hair cutting DVDs and chill out for a little bit.

....or go to sleep, hahah

IT RISES FROM THE DEAD

It feels like it's been forever but in reality it hasn't.

I mean, it's been awhile since I've like...  written something meaningful and not vague or passive aggressive.

Anyhow,  I saw Lady Gaga on the 31st, and that was fucking incredible.  We were against the barricade on the front row, and I probably pissed myself a million times, and she shined her disco stick on us.   So yeah it was pretty fucking incredible. 

My stint as a core mentor has just ended.  No more in the classroom time.  NO MORE NEW KIDS LOOKIN' UP TO ME.   That was fun, though. 

Otherwise, life is life.  Going to school and working a lot.  I'm trying this thing where I make a list of things I need and then I'm going to put a little money toward each of them this month.

Mostly because I'm starting to really miss the money I used to make while working full time.  These days I only make enough to pay for gas (which is fucking outrageous right now) and I need to stop spending money at fucking starbucks. 

So I'm gonna try this out.  Plus it's the only way I'm ever gonna save up money to start my tattoo.

Also.

I was finally able to go to this place.  And I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as heaven after death because that was heaven.

I'm much more intuitive than you think, so it's kind of weird in these situations.

It's like I'm playing out every scene in my head before it happens, and when people awkwardly try to tell me how things really went, I just say "Yeah, I know". 

You're just really easy to read. 

It's boring at this point.  There's no mystery, no illusion anymore.  I kind of wonder what the fuck I'm doing sometimes when these sequences play out over and over.


What makes you happy?  And does it really, truly exist?