FUCK YEAH FUCK YOU

it is way too late for this what are you doing with your life

2011-10-13T00:08:00.000-07:00

I'm up past my bedtime as usual with weird blasts of ideas and ramblings and projects I want to do. Trying to wait the hour to update the ol' iphone.

I have 8 days of school left, and I'm conveniently trying to push them all farther and farther down the line of upcoming days, in a sad attempt to delay my departure.

The parallel of me now and me a year ago is really funny.   A year ago I was so super excited and motivated and ambitious.... and me a year later is now over it and ready to get out of school and ready to jump into the world, I suppose.

Truthfully, I'm also scared to. I'm a little scared to leave the comfort of school, the comfort of seeing my girlfriend every day.   But, all of my friends have graduated now and I'm kind of the only kid of my kind left and so I'm so ready to be done. I'm ready to get a job and be a grown up and get my own place so I can make weird crafts and live with my cat and reupholster a couch with crazy flower prints.

It's a weird, anxious feeling though.   I am anxiety incarnate.

I can't control my future exactly, and so I wonder how everything's going to work out and what's going to happen to me and whether or not I'll be stuck here forever. I won't.

But still.    It's a scary thing to go from like craziness nothing to a whole wide world a new and exciting and positive, but now that I'm bored of that world and ready to jump into the next, it's a little unnerving. I'm ready for it, and I know it's inevitable, but there's just something I can't scrape off yet.

Maybe I'm just afraid of becoming stuck.

In any case, I'm ready to get a job. Ready to make some money. Ready to start paying off some debt. Ready to be able to buy nice things for myself. Ready to do some hair and pursue some kind of suitable, interesting function in this life.

I have an amazing girlfriend who puts up with my anxieties and my craziness. Her patient, soft pisces-ness (making up words) balances out the nervous impatient neurotic and forever in need of mental stimulation gemini that I am.   She takes such good care of me and I don't know what I'd do without her at this point.

RIGHT NOW I JUST WANT TO SEW PILLOWS AND MAKE COLLAGES AND GO TO DISNEYLAND AND TURN SOMEONE BLONDE.

Fffffffffff

but it is midnight and I need to find the off switch to my head for tonight

Brusha brusha brusha

2011-09-18T18:13:00.000-07:00

I've developed a hankering for teeth.

"you will never be as young as you are today" so says my kombucha bottle

2011-09-15T13:56:00.000-07:00

Long time no talk.

Today I sit at a table at school staring off blankly into the rows of stations and the color bar and at jars of barbicide. I feel like shit today. Just physically. It's been three days since I quit smoking, and my body is going through a weird shock of sorts. I have a gross dry cough and my lungs feel heavy and my body is hazy. I feel like I could sleep for days. I'm hoping this ends soon.

My girlfriend and I decided to quit together after I had an asthma attack from smoking one cigarette before bed. I smoke a pack a day and now I'm down to nothing and my body is freaking out, "Bailie, what the fuck are you doing to me?".

So it's commenced this health kick. We're drinking water and kombucha and eating so much green and it feels good and I like it. I'm just ready for the detoxing to end!

Otherwise, I've been a stressful busy bee. My stateboard date is on October 7. That's so so so soon. I can't believe it's already here. I feel like a week ago I started school, and now I'm four feet from the finish line.

While I stress, I'm working on things to keep me occupied and things to keep me content. Things that drive away the boredom. Expensive nail polish and movies and books and collages and silly friends and putting more holes in my ears and daydreaming about necklaces made of wisdom teeth.

So far it might be working.

And even then, at this moment I miss my girlfriend. Despite the fact that she's in the room next to me, I miss her company. Her just sitting next to me and us talking frantically about hidden messages in movies an ouija boards and conspiracy theories and ridiculous Bill Cosby sweaters and shoes.

S asked me if I ever get tired of seeing her so much, since I see her everyday. That question baffled me. I don't feel like I could ever get tired of her. I get tired when I'm not around her all the time.

There's just an important fiber missing in the fabric of everything when I can't see her smile or her bright orange hair, or being able to smell her perfume when she's sitting next to me. Her warm hands and her lively voice that's like a lightning bolt to my god damn chest.

Really though, I say all of this because my nose is stuffy and my head's a little warm and my stomach aches and I wanna bunch up on the couch with blankets and her and watch scary movies until I eventually just fall asleep.

Too bad I have no more sick days to take at school!

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE

2011-06-27T13:21:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile!

I've been super busy and I've kind of forgotten about this thing, but here I am.

It's Monday, I'm home! Peculiar, because usually I'm at work on Mondays, but a string of shit and good things have been happening lately. I lost my job a couple weeks ago, which might be a blessing in disguise. Having no money sucks, but I'm finding ways to get by, but it leaves me open for more time to study and relax. I needed relaxing time.

My schedules been packed. A week or so ago I was the hair and makeup artist for the guests at Kintokicon. It was a small-scale convention in Sacramento, but the experience was good. It was a little flash from the past, because I haven't done visual kei style hair and makeup in years! Years! I used to wake up everyday and smear on the black eyeliner and tease my black choppy hair up everyday. But I've fallen out of that scene now, so it was interesting to be able to get a glimpse of it again.

Saturday, my girlfriend and some friends from school and I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery to watch The Warriors. I never knew they had movie screenings there every Saturday, but it was fucking cool. Sitting in a giant creepy graveyard with a few hundred people. To be fair though, the creepiness ends up being downplayed by the clouds of weed smoke and the clinking of beer bottles and the hipsters cuddling together in the cold, but I loved it. Next week is Ghost Busters I think.

All around though, it's been a good month! I had my birthday, which was good. Been running around. Been doing a lot of hair. I'm pre-applying for my stateboard test. GONNA GET LICENSED, GONNA DO SOME HAIR.

Lazy eye

Portfolio! Yes!

I really don't know.

2011-06-04T00:17:00.000-07:00

It's those late night thoughts that always get to me.

It's that weird uncertainty and anxiety that sets in for no reason. The worry that what you're doing now isn't really doing anything for you, and to get ready, because you're about to become stuck.

Despite doing everything right, there's always that nagging fear for the future. Just what if it doesn't all turn out the way it should. What am I gonna do?

WHEN DOES MONEY START GROWING ON TREES?

I like this

2011-05-21T22:39:00.000-07:00

Nearing the end of May, going about my business, school ends in four months, bored of waiting for next month...

I like this twist.

Sometimes I wish I could have someone close by punch me in the stomach to kill all of the butterflies up in there, but really I like it, so..

I dunno, I miss your face too. See you on Tuesday.

we'll travel 'round the world just you and me punk rock girl

2011-05-18T00:12:00.000-07:00

I'm retarded.

But I got a badass book of color formulations now, so I'm gonna put off going to bed because I got work in the morning and nerd out to this.

Fuck yeah

JUNE.

2011-05-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

June's gonna be a good month, I can feel it.

Guitar Wolf is here at the end of this month, very excited.

I just got back from a 45 min. run and I feel good. I need to make a list of everything I'm gonna need for next month... hmm.

Piano song, play piano soooonggg

2011-04-29T23:12:00.000-07:00

Dear Chopin,

Come to LA in the form of a hot chick and serenade me with piano love songs.

Sincerely,

Bailie

But no seriously, it's fucking Friday.

I feel like a lot of the people around me have been dried up of all of the passion in them. No one wants to do anything. No one wants to take clients. No one wants to go to school. No one wants to stay at school.

They want a license and they want the money and they want the late nights doing whatever the fuck they want but only GG in heaven knows how the fuck they're gonna come about all of that.

The worst is it's highly toxic and transmitted through airborne pathogens.

Just turns eager people into lazy people. Let's all sit in the back of the break room and do nothing.

Let's pretend we're working. Let's pretend we can't actually work because we're too behind with our work to work (that makes sense, right?).

I'm embarrassed when I see new kids taking tours, and I want to tell them to turn around and go somewhere else if they're serious about what they want to do.

2011-04-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling sad, because it's beginning to roll into those months of unbearable heat, which means no more sweaters and definitely no more ushankas. My hair gets to stay white though. But definitely no more sophisticated sweater looks for the winter, because it was boiling today.

What the fuck is a man supposed to do? I guess go out and buy summer clothes in... black?

Honestly though I just want to stop being broke and go out and buy shoes and stuff. I haven't bought clothes in months and I'm dyiiiing.

Anyway I'm being super lazy right now. I need to go put my gym clothes on and run a few miles. I'm so tired but I have toooo.

Because I was promised free clothes and a night out if I abstain from smoking and keep working out until my birthday. Fuuuck yeaaaaahh

FFFFFUUUU

2011-04-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

STEP ONE GET OFF MY ASS

STEP TWO QUIT SMOKING

So I just started running again for the first time in fucking months aaauuughh.   When school started, I had a weird living situation and weird money situation so I had canceled my gym membership and I'm too weird about running around outside once it's dark. And I'm also too lazy to wake up early enough before school to run outside in the mornings. So I just stopped exercising.

But I've gotten so fed up lately not getting up and moving everyday. It makes me feel lethargic and sluggish and it was a good go-to for stress. Soothes my anxiety. So I went out and bought a new gym pass yesterday.   I ran for an hour tonight, and christ my lungs. They feel like they're on fire still.

Last year when I'd run everyday I didn't smoke at all, but when I stopped running I started smoking again. Boooo.   So I'm quitting now. Threw away my pack, now I'm accountable, nooowww I can't smoke anymore.

Wish me luck

2011-04-24T02:03:00.000-07:00

It's all right.

When the end of the world happens, we can sit outside and drink until we wake up the next morning hung over.

I can carry you on my back

2011-04-20T12:12:00.000-07:00

Flash in the dark makes me look pissed off.

I am soooo tiiiireeeeddddd. I never ever sleep anymore and I need to start back up again. There's just no time for it lately. So I'm sitting on my lunch break right now. Originally I wanted to take a nap for my break but when I got home I figured if I went to sleep I wouldn't want to wake up and go back to work... so that brings me here.

Despite that, it's not too bad. I think when I get home I'll watch some hair cutting DVDs and chill out for a little bit.

....or go to sleep, hahah

IT RISES FROM THE DEAD

2011-04-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

It feels like it's been forever but in reality it hasn't.

I mean, it's been awhile since I've like... written something meaningful and not vague or passive aggressive.

Anyhow, I saw Lady Gaga on the 31st, and that was fucking incredible. We were against the barricade on the front row, and I probably pissed myself a million times, and she shined her disco stick on us. So yeah it was pretty fucking incredible.

My stint as a core mentor has just ended. No more in the classroom time. NO MORE NEW KIDS LOOKIN' UP TO ME. That was fun, though.

Otherwise, life is life. Going to school and working a lot. I'm trying this thing where I make a list of things I need and then I'm going to put a little money toward each of them this month.

Mostly because I'm starting to really miss the money I used to make while working full time. These days I only make enough to pay for gas (which is fucking outrageous right now) and I need to stop spending money at fucking starbucks.

So I'm gonna try this out. Plus it's the only way I'm ever gonna save up money to start my tattoo.

Also.

I was finally able to go to this place. And I'm pretty sure there is no such thing as heaven after death because that was heaven.

2011-04-05T00:34:00.000-07:00

I'm much more intuitive than you think, so it's kind of weird in these situations.

It's like I'm playing out every scene in my head before it happens, and when people awkwardly try to tell me how things really went, I just say "Yeah, I know".

You're just really easy to read.

It's boring at this point. There's no mystery, no illusion anymore. I kind of wonder what the fuck I'm doing sometimes when these sequences play out over and over.

What makes you happy? And does it really, truly exist?

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

2011-03-29T22:44:00.001-07:00

IN YOUR FACE.

MY HAIR IS WHITE.

It's whiiiite and it's still attached to my scalp!!!

fuuuuck yeah

2011-03-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

My teacher drew a weird muscle dick on my guy's hat.

same old same old

2011-03-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

I'm overwhelmed lately. There's this overbearing stress on my shoulders that manifests itself as knots in my back. I don't really sleep. When I do sleep, it feels like I haven't slept anyway.

It's getting really hard. It's getting to that frustrating and tiring and lonely point.

But today sort of helped. Abe said only 3% of us make it. That the successful people are the ones who are suffering the most.

I guess it's food for thought.

I'm not gonna give up or anything, it's all a part of routine, and everything gets better. But it's hard to live in the singular moment and enjoy the stress.

I want a day to myself to hop onto a plane and go somewhere else.

So I'll be driving alone this time around. It hasn't been so bad.

I'm gonna lighten my hair again this weekend. Gonna be white-wall-white. Then GAGA in 7 days.

I can't wait can't wait can't wait

2011-03-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Today was filled with a weird uneasiness. I don't really know why and I can't explain it entirely. Just an uncomfortable feeling.

There's just been weirdness lately. Nothing good going on in the world right now.

And I get bored once you become predictable.

Do something unexpected for a change.

what have I been doing

2011-03-15T22:02:00.000-07:00

This is all I have been doing.

Besides super stress extravaganza.

I've been so busy nonstop that right now, at 10PM, I feel the urge to go out and drive around and do stuff instead of sleep. I don't get enough sleep but I don't have a life either. This is my problem. MY INTERNAL STRUGGLE.

To be honest, sleep usually wins this battle.

I'm still tempted, though. I haven't slept in my own bed in like a week, hah.

Thought for today

2011-03-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

I think the grossest thing I've experienced so far in my life, is taking someone with a full, teased head of hair to the washbowl, running the water over their scalp, pouring shampoo into my hand, and finally running my hands through their hair.....

....Only to feel a surface of several bumpy cysts everywhere your hands move.

SCALP OF PUS-FILLED CYSTS AND YOU STILL GOTTA GIVE 'EM A GOOD SCALP MASSAGE aaahhhhhhhhhh

!!!!

2011-03-02T22:20:00.000-08:00

!!!!!!!!!!

THIERRY MUGLER!!

GOVERNMENT HOOKER!!

SOO CATWOMAN!!

太陽

2011-02-27T22:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel as though the more I say I like her, the less I end up liking her; other times I feel as though saying it aloud everyday actually makes it more real.

"How much?"

"As much as the sun"

I've given a variety of different answers to this question: as much as the whole world; as much as Japan; as much as the Pacific Ocean; as much as a ten-yen coin (I was in a bad mood).

"The sun! The sun! It's very big, yes?"

She beams. Day after day she asks me the same thing, and day after day she reacts with the same delight. I wish I could see a blueprint to the heart that responds with such undiminishing pleasure.

But as a matter of fact, Yun is perfectly well aware. She's perfectly well aware that the connection she and I share is not made up merely of the words we exchange. Between us exists a world in which neither Japanese nor English nor Vietnamese intervenes. It is a world that is unequivocally real--yet at the same time, seems impossible to believe.

- Aska Mochizuki, Spinning Tropics

HELLO MONDAY MORNING, WE MEET AGAIN

2011-02-21T10:18:00.001-08:00

It's freezing cold, and the days of February bring back a nice bit of nostalgia.

It reminds me of being 15 and having slept outside of The Wiltern for three days in the cold, waiting for my favorite band (the front row is definitely worth it). Just the nice sound of cars zipping past in the cold air, thinking about laying on the ground bundled up in blankets, smooshed next to some of the best people I've ever met in line.

But instead I'm sitting outside at work. Today's not so bad though, I'm pretty content. As much as I become restless sitting at a desk, I kind of like the time to meditate and think about all the stuff I wanna do.

I've been thinking about the future (I basically live in the future), and I've decided that I'm definitely going to continue my education at Vidal Sassoon once I'm licensed. The challenge of it is kind of enticing. One of my teachers studied there in London, and his stories and hardwork really inspire me. He had to bring in 6 random people off the street a day to use as models for school. Not only is that really fucking hard, but also considering the fact that he was from America and didn't know anyone there, and still did it inspires me. (also after the accident on saturday, I hope your hand is okay!!)

I'm shooting for the Sassoon school in Santa Monica, but in all honesty I'd rather go to London, too. So I'm gonna try my best to make that happen (someone in London should adopt me for a couple months, hah).
Aside from that, things are going well. I'm all antsy today. I really wanna do some hair, but alas school is tomorrow and not today.

EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD INSPIRATION FILLED DAY. I'M GONNA GO BACK TO MY DESK!

MILK KILLS

2011-02-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

JEREMY SCOTT AND BANAL CHIC BIZARRE.

These days with my world filled with all black (and obnoxious denim on casual fridays), Jeremy Scott's A/W 2011 collection made me smile. I dig the dayglo pinks and yellows. It's like a cotton candy acid explosion. I also really fucking want that skeleton knit.

Otherwise, Banal Chic Bizarre's shoes have stolen my heart.

In other news, I've finally cut off my security blanket. I have no hair. ..Well, I have some hair left. But most of it's gone. It feels nice. I've already been mistaken for a boy twice. Again it feels nice.

And when I'm not such a poor bum, I'm gonna lighten it a bit more. I would show a picture now, but I'm just going to wait until it's perfect and white.

IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT AND IT'S RAINING LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW.

BECAUSE I WANT IT AND I CANNOT HAVE IT.

2011-02-16T23:06:00.000-08:00

I WANT WHITE AND GRAY HAIR SO BADLY.

I'm done with this pale yellow. Bring on the blue violets.

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BONELESS WING

2011-02-11T17:09:00.000-08:00

In other news, I have the flu.

I actually spent all of Vegas with the flu. I was popping dayquil and ibuprofen like a madman every 4 hours, and drinking all the water my stomach could hold. I had fun, though.

I was pissed off the first day because it was nothing but chaos and I was running a fever. We basically got there, didn't have our rooms ready, were told to put our stuff in this luggage-storing room and then to go to their store to buy their stuff (but not before waiting 2 hours in a mile long line to pay for said stuff). Then, when we finally got our room, there weren't enough beds to accommodate four people, and we went through hell trying to get some roll-away beds because they wouldn't upgrade our room.

The second day was MUCH better. It was the sigh of relief. The opening ceremony was cute, I liked it.

The third day was my favorite. CLASSES.

Cutting class was fun. While I feel like I didn't get everything I could have out of it, I did get a lot. The class just ran way too fast. With cutting advanced cuts like that, and using multiple techniques and geometries, I need a little more than five minutes to absorb and understand and then accurately cut a full segment. I'm basically a slow cutter, but shoot me, 'cause I've been in school for 6 months. Even so, I'm glad we got to go to that class 'cause I did learn a few things.

Color class was my jaaaam, though. I love color. I'm fast at applying color, so this class was fine for me.

It was really cool, because Lucie Doughty was teaching the class. The only thing I didn't like about it was that she taught us how to paint coontails onto the hair. Like scenegirl coontails circa myspace 2005. She called it "feathering". Since feathers are in right now. Except they don't look like feathers in the hair, they look like ridiculous raccoon stripes.

But otherwise, learning the Ombre technique was cool. I still need to go rinse out my doll head, hah.

Closing ceremonies were badass. Overall I had a lot of fun.

Vegas bus ride in pajamas

WE HAD A BIDET IN OUR HOTEL.

cutting class

Oklahoma bitches

2011-02-09T11:18:00.001-08:00

THERE IS BLOOD.

So far, this isn't too spectacular. I don't feel like I'm surrounded by "future professionals". To be honest, it's like being at a concert and being stuck with the crazy people or something. Crazy fucking girls everywhere.

On the brighter side, we have moderately decent seats, waiting for the opening ceremony, and a little orange bird tells me there will be balloon hair. I am excited for the hair.

Las Vegas is bright and busy.

バス

2011-02-07T20:53:00.000-08:00

It's currently... almost 9pm. I've yet to prepare at all for tomorrow.

Nothing packed, nothing together, I have one load of laundry washing right now... but as of right now I have no idea what I'm wearing or bringing to Las Vegas.

I have a cold, and that was inevitable. I always get sick right before I go on a trip, but I'm going to hope that my friends Sudafed and Ibuprofen help take care of this issue on the bus ride to Vegas.

BUS RIDE.

UGHGGHFG. IT'S GONNA BLOW.

BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT.

Nothing more to say, laundry and packing calls to me. I'll take lots of pictures.

Off to be up at 6AM.

early morning traffic groove

2011-02-01T09:17:00.000-08:00

The 101 is jammed from LA up until my house, so I'm late to school this morning.

It's either some kind of chemical spill or a big car accident. Chemical spill sounds more exciting. Biohazard. Zombies. Anyway.

I had weird dreams. I dreamt the moment my head hit the pillow, I swallowed a strange looking pill. I started seeing bright colors with weird paisley prints and lights, I was just tripping out. Soon, the bright colors stop and I wake up in this weird house with people I've never seen before telling me to wait in the house for a little while, that people are coming to see us and it won't be too long. I don't know where I am but I don't know where else I could go, so I stay there. Soon, these helicopters and tanks pull up to the outside of the house, and the people tell me to get ready, because they're taking me away. Soldiers came into the house and went through each room looking for people and when they found them, they grabbed them and loaded them onto the tanks. I could overhear people talking and figured out that it was some sort of holocaust situation. They were looking for people to take away and bring to camps.

I run out of the room, slip past the soldiers, and find some sort of cellar basement. There's wooden doors leading to the outside from the basement, so I climb up through them, just about to escape, and the soldiers are outside the door. I'm caught.

The dream suddenly changes and I'm back at home. It's been a year, and there's an envelope addressed to me on my desk that I've neglected. I know it's been there for months, but I haven't opened it. I pick it up and hold it for a little while. I don't really want to open it, but I figure I should because it's been there for so long.

It's a memoir made of different slips of papers, with different quotes and sayings and different musings, little drawings, and things projected from your mind onto the paper.

I read through each paper. The ones at the beginning are almost irrelevant, and I wonder why they're in the envelope. They're conversations with different people, things meant for others, writings not for me. I keep going and going until I get close to the end, and I finally see my name written.

The message is sad, but it's nothing I didn't expect, so I'm not surprised. I just read them over again and sit at my desk.

I take all of the papers out of the envelope and walk over to my window, and I drop each paper out one by one. The wind blows them away, and I walk back to my desk and pull out a new piece of paper. The paper is blank, but I put it into the envelope anyway.

And then I wake up.

School starts in 15 minutes! I won't leave my house for another 15 minutes, though.

In exactly a week from now, I'll be in Las Vegas for the hair show. We didn't really do much for ISSE, because we wanted to just mess around in the hotel room. I'm excited for Caper, though. It's going to be an adventure.

PS, good morning February.

LONG BEACH

2011-01-31T22:44:00.000-08:00

We're lacking a 13th floor.

The lady might jump. . .

Long Beach long weekend. Spent a lot of time in our cozy hotel room, watching light shows and other weird stuff. Next day, went to ISSE. Met Tabatha Coffey (aaahhhhhh). Oh yeah, we ate giant omlettes, too.

PS,

DOLLA BEELS.

I just found these pictures, but they're from awhile ago. We all had a Little Tokyo adventure and ate at Orochon. I think it was raining that day. BUT I'M A BLONDE, NOW...

filth high

2011-01-26T23:57:00.000-08:00

映画を見よう君の約束通り手を繋いで

夜にはお別れです　林檎と苺が腐る前に

夢は広がる君の約束通りキスをしながら

君とはお別れです　最後の晩餐楽しみましょう

PUT ON A SHOW TONIGHT SAY WHATEVER YOU LIKE

2011-01-24T12:03:00.001-08:00

SCHEISSE SCHEISSE BE MINE, SCHEISSE BE MINE.

I'm sitting in sunny Agoura right now, on my glorious half hour lunch break. The birds are chirping, the 101 is noisy, there's a slight breeze, a mild tinge of mediocrity, and an wondering of why the hell it's so bright and sunny in January.

I WANT YOU, MISERABLE COLDNESS.

I guess the sun isn't so bad, vitamin D deficiency isn't that good, but at the same time, looking as if you haven't seen the sun in years is a good look. Not being able to find foundation pale enough is enjoyable. I LIKE IT, OKAY?

School is good. I did a client the other day that was really pissed off. She was pissed the girl she requested wasn't there, pissed that it took forever to get into a chair, pissed when her color formulation wasn't in the computer, and when the teachers wanted to take over and formulate a new one instead of letting me do it, she was pissed that the formula came out too dark and not red enough. Also pissed she almost didn't get a haircut.

But I admire Ron because I feel like he kind of saved my ass. I mean, the situation wasn't in anyway my fault or my responsibility, but it's still awkward when you have to takeover someone else's pissed off client and make them happy. He came in with his swagger and told her how cute and beautiful she was and how she needs to go out and do something for herself and blah blah, just really charming and telling her shit a woman would want to hear.

I admire that alot. Because it fucking worked, and I was dying on the inside, I wanted to laugh so bad. And whether or not he really meant it is another conversation, but I'd like to be able to do that.

Just schmooze someone until they're calmer and happier.

He has a few decades on me though, so I'll need to practice a little more.

NATURE

2011-01-19T23:49:00.000-08:00

green hills and blue dreams, and an ominous wire fence that warns of emergency conditions (read: zombies)

Now that I know what I'm wearing next fall...

2011-01-17T20:55:00.000-08:00

Some of the latest from Vivienne Westwood's Fall 2011 menswear collection.

She makes me so excited each season. I want to wear all of these.

because you can't cut up magazines and glue them back together with the internet

2011-01-16T23:51:00.000-08:00

I like collages and late night ramblings and scribbling SADS lyrics 'cause it looks cool and finding out you have old sex pistols clippings from 1983.

Oh, and I guess deer with tits and lots of arms.

IT'S FUNNY . . .

2011-01-14T22:43:00.000-08:00

I swear to god, if you had been asian, you'd look like her.

But I guess by now I've sort of forgotten what you look like. That's not so bad though, because Tao's pretty swell, too.

SMASH AND SMASH

2011-01-14T22:28:00.000-08:00

NOW I KNOW . . .

THAT WHEN A MAN HAS HAIRY EARS

IT'S BEST TO REMOVE THE HAIR WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING.

But I still got like $3, and he had barely any hair anyway, so I'm not disappointed.

Is it dandee or dandoo?

2011-01-11T22:09:00.000-08:00

I'm playing the waiting game.

I'm anticipating February and March.

Going on a trip to sin city next month, and then see Gaga at the end of March.

I've never really thought about or desired to go to Las Vegas, but since it's for school and I got this opportunity to go, I think it's going to be fun.   I know everyone's going to be smashed, and it's only three days, but.. I don't know, I don't really know what to expect out of it. I just hope I meet some interesting and important people.

GODGA.   I miss her so much, ahhhh.   It's been a whole year since I've seen her! I can't wait to see her again.   Last year, I remember just gawking at her and her outfits, and every time she'd leave the stage to change again and again. She was just incredible. I can't wait.

School's been alright.   Today was pretty exhausting and I'm not sure why. We did stateboard drills at the end of the day, but I was exhausted before that even happened, and I'm confused because I didn't really do shit today.

I've been thinking a lot about my plan of action for the future, though.

I mean, I thought I knew what I was going to do until I met Diana Schmidtke and heard her whole life story, and that's made me completely re-think everything I had planned to do.   Hearing everything she had to say on the industry and working on set and what you need and what kind of attitude you have to have, who you go about contacting, etc. etc, just all of it. It was eye opening, and I'm really grateful to have listened to her story.

It was enough to get me to buy her book, which was funny because I was pretty cynical at first.

When I found out we were having a guest speaker and I heard one of the teachers say "her books are in the other room", I thought "Jesus christ, this is a ploy to get us to spend money."   After hearing her talk, my mind was changed pretty quickly and I went and bought it.

So far I've read the first few chapters and I'm glad I bought it. There's a shit ton of information in it that I had no idea about, that I would have never thought about.

One thing she did for me was solidify my desires to relocate to NYC.   She flat out said, LA and NYC are the major hubs for this kind of work--- but the catch is, in LA, you'll mainly get entertainment business work. NYC is where you'll find the creative, avant-garde, fashion-driven, editorial, runway, amazingness that I dream about.

I'm not interested in doing campaign ads for old navy or pac sun. I could give a shit about making a TV celebrity look natural and pretty a million times over for the same teen girl magazine. I mean, a job's a job in the beginning, but it's just not the field I wanna get stuck in.

So, I'm going to start planning that.

And advanced education. That was another thing she said that was inspiring. Never ever fucking stop learning. Graduating from this school isn't the last stop for me. I'm going to be taking advanced cutting and coloring classes. I want to take wig making classes. I'm definitely going to makeup school.   I'm going to become certified in extensions and brazilian blowouts and anything and everything left that there is to take.

Even if I'm up to my ears in loans to pay off. It just needs to happen.

I really liked her though. I definitely want to be as good as her someday.

2011

2011-01-04T00:36:00.000-08:00

It's been another 365 days.

I'm not going to say "happy new year", because I'm fucking tired of hearing that everywhere I go. At the same time, it'd be wrong of me to not reflect..

So.

What the fuck did I do in 2010?

I've been thinking a little bit about it these past couple days, and I can say that 2010 started out as one of the worst years I've had, and ended as one of the best. Sorta.

I started out the year as a wreck. Just obnoxious hopelessness. I was one of those people I can't fucking stand. From there, it transitioned into an OCD-driven, intense couple months where I shrunk down a bunch and tried to re-access everything I was doing. Things still weren't so great. I was pretty unhappy, but I was getting by.

Summer came, and I tried living on my own. It was great at first, but the people I was living with made everything shit, and then I realized that regardless of who I lived with, I wouldn't be able to afford my own apartment and go to school, so I moved back home.

A couple solid months of nothingness, just anticipation.

Then my ether returned to these United States of America. That mesmerizing group of five guys that have successfully captured my eyes and heart from the time I was just a kid, up until now. I spent those couple months working my ass off and saving every penny so I could follow them around the west coast. Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, and Portland. I met up with some of the best people I know, and we saw this band and we screamed and screamed until we couldn't scream anymore.

I came back aching and covered in bruises, but I was on this adrenaline rush. This noise-induced dopamine kick that I couldn't and didn't want to shake off.

An exact week later, I began a journey that would change the course of my life forever.

..... DUN DUN DUN.

I started hair school. I remember the first time I walked into those doors and talked to anyone in there. I was nervous, but I still had that layer of confidence underneath my skin. It was more like... a destiny-filled kind of confidence. I saw this place and I knew it was for me. I had been indecisive about everything up until that moment, and I knew that for the time being, I didn't belong anywhere else.

My first day of school, and that orange-haired girl I talked to before everything began ended up being one of my teachers. I thought she was a student. (Well, I guess originally she was?)

I have the best teachers. I've never had teachers like this.

A couple months after school starts, I work my first legitimate runway show. I'm in heaven. I realize this really is what I want to do. This is my function. Everything up until now hasn't been for nothing, because right now is euphoric. Drugs can't give you that feeling.

I wake up every morning a little groggy, but I'm still happy to drive to school every day. 101 traffic doesn't bother me much. I usually blast music too loud to give a shit about sitting in traffic. Most days I don't drive alone, either, and that's nice.

So this year,

I beat myself up

I ran around the country

I became a jellyfish and ventured into space

I started to lay down the foundation for tomorrow's mansion

I met some of the best people I've ever met in my entire life

I've lost what used to be some of the best people in my entire life

I've become a little more determined

I've remained a creature of habit

But most of all, . . . .

I don't know. I guess I'm still the same person I was before.

You know, it doesn't feel that different. New years never feel monumentally different. But there'll be more opportunities and more chances this year.

So here's some resolutions for 2011

- take a client every day of january

- become incredible

- pass state board

- don't become distracted by things or people that hinder my goals

- shrink some more

- more runway shows

I said fucking good luck

WARSAW

2010-12-25T22:58:00.000-08:00

It's nearing the end of Christmas, and I can't say I'm not a little happy.

I have the new year to look forward to, a fresh start once again. To be honest though, the only thing I can think of right now is that vintage rabbit fur coat that's sitting in that certain shop on Melrose that I want to immediately run out and buy. Right now. And maybe the Vivienne Westwood fanny pack that may or may not still be hiding there.

Other than that, there's a bit of a dry spell as to anything interesting to say right now. I have two more days off from the world, and then on Tuesday I return to school. I'm excited to go back.

I feel like cutting someone's hair.

Hopefully later there'll be something worth putting up here, but until then, here's some of this.

どういたしましてSEX

2010-12-20T18:04:00.000-08:00

FUCK

YES.

portefeuille

2010-12-17T21:02:00.000-08:00

I had fun today

beautiful morning with you

2010-12-16T23:08:00.000-08:00

It's been a little while.

I haven't done that much lately.

Got sick, had some adventures, fell in love with a fur coat with a hole in the arm.

Christmas is next week, although it doesn't really feel like Christmas. The days are flying by at a ridiculous rate.

The saddest thing is I almost fell for it at first.

But what can you do.

So I'm gonna cut off this hair that I've been holding onto for four years and bleach it 'til it's white.

アウシュビッツは沈黙に狂う　

貴様等に神をくれてやる

devil in a midnight mass

I drive a rolls royce 'cause it's good for my voice

2010-12-09T19:47:00.000-08:00

His voice is like raw, unadulterated lust.

At the same time, there's that element of understanding. I feel at ease when I listen to him sing.

Like the sound waves directly correlate to all my nerve endings.

A floating sensation.

I'm watching this movie again.

I remember the first time I watched it, I didn't understand it. It was kind of.. stupid to me.
But you understood it. You got so much out of it, I remember.

I didn't understand a lot of things back then.

It's kind of hard to believe that was almost two years ago.
And I've grown a lot in those two years.

One thing that hasn't changed,

I still like it bright yellow.

君のイチゴ

2010-12-09T13:23:00.000-08:00

CHASING YOUR FACES
MY VERY FAVORITE
CHASING YOUR SHADOW

STRAW-STRAW-STRAWBERRY

just like my favorite

2010-12-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

I like it for the gratification. The love I experience from pursuing my function.

The money is nice, but it's not what coaxed me into doing it. I just like creating art on a human canvas.

Also, these past few days have been really nice.

I like our car rides together.

Seal.

2010-12-02T21:04:00.000-08:00

Gonna find someone to take me to the red lobster.

今今今今今今今

2010-11-29T19:40:00.000-08:00

これは面白いね．．．

今、俺はジョージみたいなもんだ。

And now I feel like going out somewhere.

BLACK FRIDAY

2010-11-26T18:50:00.000-08:00

UURRGGHHH

Thanksgiving left me feeling like a bloated badass.

Drunken festivities with the family, followed by my own drunken festivities.

Black Friday arrived, and left me no choice but to go out and buy Kanye's new album, because it was on sale at best buy.

It's kind of fucking great.

EVERYBODAY KNOWS I'M A MUTHAFUCKIN' MONSTER
I'MMA NEEDA SEE YO' FUCKIN' HANDS AT DA CONCERT

alors on danse

2010-11-24T23:02:00.000-08:00

expectations and overthinking

egoism and recreation

humanism and satisfaction

ambition and effort

Common traits are comforting. I feel more at ease, like a little part of this heavy burden melts away more. It's difficult being difficult, and trustworthiness is hard to come by, but sometimes it falls into your lap.

You miss those traits bunched up into one until you start to notice that each of those traits are scattered amongst the collective of people you see everyday.

Even so far as to say that new things and ideas and personalities that you've never experienced are discovered, and you appreciate more and more, little by little.

It's nice to relate, isn't it?

Sometimes I feel like my perfectionism is my driving force and my achilles heel. I will surpass the greatest. My egoism creates this sense of self-importance, this sort of inner monologue with myself, that there's something special about me.

Honestly, sometimes I think it's just the OCD.

I think everyone needs to find the one thing that they're a master of. Something that feeds into their own sense of self-importance, and then pursue it.

I'm thankful for five dollar tips, french techno, 27's, leather boots, and my new friends.

We watched The Walking Dead all night.

2010-11-22T18:37:00.000-08:00

It was pretty intense.

I WORKED FOREVER TODAY. Forever.

School again tomorrow. I'm excited that this week is cut short because of Thanksgiving. This means there is time for sleeping.

A bunch of us went to Little Tokyo last Saturday. We ate ramen bowls the size of our heads, and everything was a little awkward until my brother and M and J showed up. We bought moustaches at popkiller, and Samantha and I became Russian comrades.

TRIPPY

2010-11-22T07:09:00.001-08:00

It's so weird how you don't look like you anymore in my dreams.

I don't ever really dream about you anymore, but for some reason I did.

You moved into the condo across the street, kept your windows open and had a big party in the back room. People were sprawled out on the ground and scattered everywhere, and you were sitting on the floor with a group of people, but I couldn't see their faces.

I could see yours, but you didn't look like how you used to.

I watched the party from my window across the street, and eventually something else happened and I don't remember the rest of the dream.

Subconcious is telling me I am a voyeur. (!!!)

SAY HI TO ONE YEAR

2010-11-18T20:59:00.000-08:00

It has been one whole year since you've passed away.

Aside from missing you each season, and in glossy magazine spreads, and in silly designer commercials where you're dancing to tacky trance until your legs hurt....

I miss your words the most.

Even so, I still read what you've left us, from start to finish, and I still take from what you've written and relate and feel warm.

I know you're some place special now, and I hope I'll see you there one day, wherever it is.

RIP DAUL
my favorite monster

2010-11-17T00:22:00.000-08:00

It's a defense mechanism.

And I just dunno how to handle those sorts of people anymore.

In any case, I'm excited to sleep tonight.

191109

2010-11-14T19:23:00.000-08:00

"A polka-dot has the form of the sun, which is a symbol of the energy of the whole world and our living life, and also the form of the moon, which is calm. Round, soft, colourful, senseless and unknowing. Polka-dots can't stay alone; like the communicative life of people, two or three polka-dots become movement... Polka-dots are a way to infinity.

It was not so simple, not so easy to come up with this way of living that I've had. I was given a sad life by fate, but I think I won a happy life. . . . Not one day has passed when I didn't think of suicide, but I'm very glad to be alive now. Most people are so preoccupied with their illness, sickness, and they live a very ordinary life. I was so involved and so engrossed with painting, and knew from my childhood that it could help me to overcome unhappiness.

If it were not for art, I would have killed myself a long time ago."

―Yayoi Kusama

SAY GOOD MORNING

2010-11-14T13:49:00.000-08:00

Sunday is the best day

bonjour bonjour

2010-11-13T21:26:00.000-08:00

FIRST CLIENT TAKEN TODAY.   Marshall and I colored her hair and it looked gorgeous!

From that, I made my first tip, ahhhh. Five bucks!

After that, I did my first men's hair cut, and that was daunting but fun as well.

I loved today because I was busy all day long.   I hate it when we just sit around, because it makes me feel like I'm wasting my time and money, but this time I was so busy. I didn't actually get out of there until an hour after school ended, and we didn't really have time to get lunch because we were so busy, but it left me with this satisfied feeling.

AND NOW IT'S THE WEEKEND! I am sleeping forever tonight.

WE ALSO GOT JYJ TICKETS, AAHH. THEY WERE FREE, AAAHHHHH.
Fuck yeah JYJ. Fuck yeah Jaejoong dancing. Fuck yeah shitty collab track with Kanye that I can't stop listening to.

Fuck yeah

I like to

2010-11-11T23:54:00.000-08:00

I feel like I don't really believe in red strings anymore.

It seems like a sad thing, but I'm happier that way.

Today, I didn't do much. They told us it would be a slow day, but the floor was packed because it's a holiday.

I think it's funny upperclassmen want me to color their hair because I was confident about sectioning.

It's just sectioning, though. It's easy. It's shit you have to know.

I'm not flattered so much as I just think that's sad. Why waste all that money if you're going to skip out on theory and just not give a shit about what we're doing?   In the very least, you could blow it on hookers and expensive handbags. Something you could appreciate.

I learned how to fishtail braid, though. I'm so obsessed with them now! They're so pretty, like mermaids or runaway princesses.   I wanna put them in pretty girls' hair.

This week's been a pretty long week, and I'm looking forward to sleeping all weekend.   I don't feel like going out or doing anything with anyone over the weekend. I just feel like coming home and sleeping.

From the way that sounds, I should say I'm not depressed, just very very sleepy, lately. Very sleepy.

fuck yeah fuck you success is not an option

2010-11-10T23:13:00.000-08:00

Repeat after me

If it feels good,

Do it.

tired

2010-11-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

I feel like

I'm over it

already.

Didn't keep my interests maybe. I'm difficult like that I suppose.

I don't even like alcohol either.

It makes my stomach feel like it's coated in sludge.

Time to go to bed

dry hands

2010-11-08T23:19:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting awake trying to figure out this tattoo, reading back over the years with this song on repeat. It's pretty calming now - doesn't make me sad like it used to.

It's weird to read the things you've written. I feel like you're still here, you know?

Maybe you are. Maybe you just went up into space or something.

Maybe you'll be reborn and I'll get to finally meet you someday.

My hands are really dry from how much I wash them lately, and from how much I use the washbowls at school. It puts the lotion on it's skin!

say hi

BEVERLY HILLS FASHION FESTIVAL

2010-11-07T15:23:00.000-08:00

ELIE TAHARI - TERESA ROSATI - WILLIAM RAST - H. LORENZO

11 - 06 - 10

LEATHER JESUS ! He was cool! It was his first show and I was doing his makeup. I had to put crazy dark blood red lipstick on him and cover his eyebrows in gluestick and concealer, only to have the designer come back over and tell us that he didn't want to the men to have makeup anymore. So we scrubbed it all off! He was a good sport!

MARSHALL AND KATE

You can see he had covertly asked for her glasses. . . .

GLASSES

I want a pair

(13 seconds of amazing)

This was an opportunity that kind of just fell into my lap, and I can't really explain how excited I was prior and how excited I was as I left the tents.

Basically, this was a little taste of the future. It was fucking incredible.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING US JAMIE.

And thank you to everyone at the show! It was great!

Février

2010-11-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

Work all day, work all night.

Even though I think he's a giant asshole most of the time, I was weirdly surprised by what he said tonight. It made me realize he's probably a really good person, he's just... difficult. But what he said was nice. I guess it's hard being there, too. I know what it's like, and I know he doesn't wanna be there forever, so in that sense he's not so bad. Still an asshole, but a good guy kind of asshole.

Working 60 hours a week has become a big challenge, but a challenge I'm continually alright with taking on.

I felt like today was a waste of a day.

We probably spent half of it smoking downstairs and trying to figure out whether or not the bank across the street was being robbed or if it was just a bomb threat. Turns out it was just a bomb threat.

I can feel the productivity of tomorrow, though. It's going to be a clusterfuck, but I know I'll be busy. ESPECIALLY SINCE I DESPERATELY NEED TO DO SOME COLOR APPLICATIONS ahhhhh.

On a lighter note, I'm close to my goal mark with the fundraiser bags. At this point, I'm definitely going to Vegas. That makes me really excited. SIX MORE TO GO.

CAN YOU FEEL THE COSMOS BABY CAUSE I CAN SMELL IT FROM HEREEEE

PS, J: I really look up to you now. I feel like we're a lot alike and I know soon I'll be as badass as you are, so watch out!

pps, gemini's pride is easily hurt
good thing they have a lot of it

記憶な～

2010-10-31T22:07:00.000-07:00

For some reason I am nostalgic.

For some reason I'm thinking back to that certain conversation and it still makes me feel warm.

Of course, I can't say that to anyone again.

That'd be like recycling hallmark cards.

So, we're watching 28 Days Later, and I hate this movie because the zombies are all runners.   We also ate too many cupcakes today.

Today was pretty laid back though, and that was nice.   Did N's hair, did her makeup too, ran around town, saw my brother, he bought me starbucks, came back home and N's mom made sushi. Just chilled.

Tomorrow is a full work day, and that sucks, but money has never been tighter.   Then I start on the floor on Tuesday! I'm excited and kind of sad.   Well, excited of course because it's progress, and I'm ready to finally work with real hair, but sad because my mom's will get new children, and I'll be with different teachers. Going to miss them. I mean, I'll still see them everyday, but still.   IT WAS LIKE THIS WHEN MY SISTER WAS BORN!   That's a horrible thing to say, but hey, this is my space and I'll cry if I want to.   I'm a possessive gemini, I can't help it.

I've been thinking about the future. I'm constantly thinking about the future. What's next, what's next.

Maybe I daydream too much, but it's not so bad. It's partly why sitting in 101 traffic isn't so bad, because I spend all of my time thinking in traffic. Just about everything. Deep philosophical bullshit while the music blasts and I drive in the third lane, because if I don't, it's a bitch to try to merge onto the 405.

All I did when I worked full time was think, and that's how I got through the day. These days, I probably have those deep conversations with myself less...    I think that may be because I'm actually talking to people or I'm just preoccupied with something to do with hair.

I'm so happy like that.

I feel like tomorrow I'll go to work, come home, grab a cup of tea and then pull out my cutting DVDs. Date with triangular graduation cut, oh mannnn.

ハッピハロウインよ　★

2010-10-31T21:17:00.000-07:00

FUCK YEAH FUCK HALLOWEEN

2010-10-30T22:33:00.000-07:00

Obligatory Gaga cupcake

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, GO WATCH A ZOMBIE MOVIE

Fuck yeah don't mind if I fucking do

2010-10-29T21:15:00.000-07:00

ACED MY WRITTEN TEST, ANNIHILATED MY FLOOR TEST.

I will now be working on humans. Good bye fucking rubber creepy michael jackson doll heads.

Here are some goals:

- Drink more water

- Cut out the last 20 lookbook pictures I need and assemble them into the lookbook

- Drink more water

- Put together M's present

- Drink more water

- Keep being a bad ass

I THINK I CAN MANAGE A COUPLE TONIGHT HMM

it's because I can't help myself

2010-10-28T22:02:00.000-07:00

WEIRD AND FAMILIAR BUT DIFFERENT

this gemini is intrigued

but slightly skeptical

still I like this

YOU'RE GOING TO HELL

2010-10-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

FROM THE PAST UNTIL COMPLETION

2010-10-25T22:19:00.000-07:00

Things I would like :

- Bill Cosby Sweater

- Someone to share the Bill Cosby Sweater with

- pass my written and floor tests

- more gasoline

Keep on workin' keep on workin'

MIAU MIAU

2010-10-24T10:47:00.001-07:00

Week is finally over.

I'm still anxious about the floor test, but I think everything's going to turn out well.

The weather's been my favorite kind of weather: gloomy and drizzly! It's perfect scarf weather. It reminds me of Christmas (despite it not being halloween yet).

I don't have anything really interesting to say right now, I'm sitting at my best friend's kitchen table while I wait for her to get home, and as of lately I've been preoccupied with a good mix of people and daydreaming... And horizontal sectioning, cutting, and perms.

I feel like I'm going down the right track. Years of anxiety prior to this, hoping I would get to this point, are finally being justified, and new, fresh anxiety replaces it. But it's not so bad. It's the driving kind.

When they talked about what kind of personality types we all are, at first I thought I was either the inventor or the feeler, but the more time we spend there, the more I get called a driver and the more I'm becoming convinced that's what I am. Which isn't bad at all! Just funny.

The more time I spend there, the more I can pick out the various things I've needed and wanted, scattered nicely amongst various people and places and things. Instead of those qualities being bunched up all into one, they're broken up and organized in many different ways. Which is kind of nice the more I think about it. It's less volatile. It's warmer and sparks my interest a bit more. I feel like it'll take much longer time before I become bored. I'm thinking a good 1600 hours before I need to move onto the next thing.

BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE

2010-10-19T00:32:00.000-07:00

I know exactly how you feel, but hang in there, 'cause I promise it gets better.   I'm proof of that, and my thing was a bit different, but I promise it was the exact same feeling, and I promise that after awhile, it went away.

Even though it feels like it won't, and even though it feels all muddy and terrible, like you're stuck or some shit.

It's not so bad after awhile, that's one thing I know for sure. I definitely can't be your rebound or anything, either, as I am lacking a dick, but if I could do anything more for you than I already am, then I definitely would.   So cheer up, you.

In other news, I am trying out this forward focus thing. Well, more-so than my stubborn mind has already been able to do.

I'm also looking forward to next Sunday. I really need some retail therapy. Going with Miss Glass should be fun, as well.

It's been a good weekend, but now I'm really fucking tired. I feel like sleeping is a waste right now, though. I wish I could run on like, three hours of sleep every night. Mmmrgghgh.

To be honest, I'm kind of nervous for the floor test and everything. I know I'll pass, but I'm still nervous. It's almost that feeling like, "will I really be ready?", but I guess that's what the waivers are there for. It doesn't matter if I'm ready. If I'm gonna melt hair, I'm gonna melt hair. Which will be incredibly horrifying and maybe a little awesome at the same time. Hey, you gotta learn somehow.

I'm working really hard at trying to sell enough bags to get to Vegas, too.   I'm pretty sure I'll be there. Usually if I'm not determined, I don't give a fuck, but I feel determined.

I won't be able to do shit in Vegas, but at the same time, I don't feel so bad about that, because I don't really like to drink and I know if I'm allowed to gamble, I'll come back poorer than I am now. Some how.

I'M TOO IMPULSIVE.

The convention sounds pretty badass, though. That's why I'd be going. I GOTTA WIN. I can see myself in my head being there and that drives me crazy.

CAMEL FOOT

2010-10-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

hi hi hi hi hihi hih i hi

So, today I was utterly inspired by this guy who was in my presence for maybe five fucking minutes. But I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop thinking about how I want to see him again so I can go "hey, fucking thank you". Fucking thank you.   He didn't even really do anything right then and there, but it's what he's done that fucking inspires me.

He got my dream job 3 weeks after he graduated.

Before, I had a little bit of anxiety sitting in the back of my stomach, nudging here and there, but I mostly just ignored it and went through my day, but him coming in totally obliterated that.

And that's really fucking cool.

Otherwise, the days have been going about nicely.

I've been so happy lately, and that's so nice.   It's really weird. You go about such a long period of time feeling a certain way, and then you feel like this and it catches you off guard.

I mean, it's not entirely cake either. I'm still fucking exhausted as I type this, and I'm still fucking stressed, but... it's that accomplished stressed feeling..?   You just run around like crazy, drinking too much tea and coffee and barely eating because you're running around all the time and worrying about finishing up homework and studying for your floor test and worrying about whether or not you can get this hair cut right... but I'm still deliriously happy.

It's just a weird feeling to wake up to your alarm clock at 6:30 AM and feel good about getting up.

It's fucking bizarre.

PS, say something good about yourself today. I cut bad ass layers earlier. And now I'm gonna go shower.

Good night

Insomnia, I think we should talk about settling down together

2010-10-12T23:56:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep yet. I'm sitting here thinking about geometry and shapes and cigarettes. Mostly shapes, though. The one-length square cut seems easy enough, but it seems only tomorrow will tell. I don't really want to go to bed, though. You know those nights you have sometimes, where you don't want to go to bed because maybe, just maybe if you stayed up all night, tomorrow would never come? I feel like that just a little, at the moment.

I mean, I want tomorrow to happen, I just don't like sitting in 101 traffic for an hour.

Although at the same time, it reminds me of something my uncle said to me once. This was before I started school, but we were having a conversation on the impact of public transportation, and how LA is shit because our public transportation is virtually nonexistent (fuck our buses and fuck our excuse for a subway system). He was telling me how we have a certain bus that will take me to school, and taking it would make my life easier because I'm going to fucking hate sitting in traffic everyday.

Alright, well I fucking hate traffic, but I had sort of an epiphany after thinking about that.

Before I started school, I was working full time for months at a boring desk job. Just 8 hours, every day, same faces, same bullshit. I fucking hated it, but I had nothing else to do and having money almost made up for how boring life was.

I realized that sitting in traffic for 45 minutes is not only the least of my fucking problems, but is also preferable to sitting at a desk for 8 hours wanting to pull my hair out.

Especially because I can blast dance music and dance in my car while waiting to get onto the 405, while everyone kind of stares at me weirdly. Or dances with me.

So hey, it takes me awhile to pick out details like that at times, but instead of complaining about stupid shit, just remember all of the awesome shit that outweighs it. Even if it's little.

Like school. (at least for me)

It's that time, kids

2010-10-12T20:56:00.000-07:00

CONFESSION

2010-10-11T15:52:00.001-07:00

On those rare occasions in the mornings

when they play Daft Punk's Da Funk on the radio

while I'm driving to school

I put on my sunglasses and feel like the biggest badass on the road

(I have to still wear my sunglasses over my regular glasses though, haaaa)

PRIME TIME OF YOUR LIFE

2010-10-08T22:34:00.000-07:00

NEW YORK, WHY DO YOU REQUIRE TWICE AS MANY HOURS TO GET LICENSED THAN CALIFORNIA DOES? (alright, maybe it's only 600 more and not twice as many-- still, I'm dramatic)

Does that mean your stylists are twice as good?

I love you but you're killing me. But that's okay, I'll make it.

At least this way, I'm slowing starting to pick out the finer details within the grand scheme of things. It's harder for me to not see just the big picture, but now I know what I have to do. Well, slightly.

I could be sleeping right now........

2010-10-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

Which means I am definitely not sleeping right now.

It's been an interesting few days. I'm a little surprised as to how much this sucks the life out of you. I like it a lot, though. I like being this busy. It gives you a little bit of a temporary purpose until you can go on to do what you've intended. Well, but I guess it's not so temporary. It's only the stepping stones.

I don't really know what the fuck I'm talking about right now, all I know is that my eyes are a bit heavy, but that On the Road show with Austin Scarlett and Santino and my laptop are enough to keep me distracted.

Tomorrow we do chemical relaxers. Chemicals that can eat through soda cans, mmmm. Today was perms. No one gets perms anymore. I was thinking, and I feel like I would get a perm on the top of my head. Or something. But really, I probably never will.

I'm kind of just waiting around until midnight to see my direct deposit check. Finally getting paid. Too bad it all goes to gas and people I owe money to, haaaa. I'm desperately wanting clothes.

I feel like everyone should go out this weekend. Lately, all I've been thinking about is how excited I am to sleep all saturday night and sunday morning, but.. I think we should all just go out and stay out all night.

I'd like that, or I would like someone to drive me through the canyons with the windows rolled down. And could we listen to some dead milkmen, maybe?

Be still, my beating heart.

2010-10-04T22:16:00.000-07:00

Comme des Garcons S/S 2011

God damn.

I LOVE YOU, OKAY?

2010-10-04T13:39:00.001-07:00

Disgruntled and waiting for Guitar Wolf.

That was probably one of the best fucking shows I've ever been to.

Crazy pit, Seiji ended up pulling a fan on stage to play guitar, and toward the end, Seiji pulled everyone up on stage, á la Iggy, to dance and then stage dive off.

MY BROTHER GOT UP ON STAGE. Twice. He danced and stage dived, and then Seiji pulled him and a few others up again to make a human pyramid so he could climb to the top.

It was so fucking cool.

THEN AT THE ENDEND, after the encore, when everyone thought they were done, Seiji came back and played I Love You, Okay by himself.

I loved it, because I remember I used to listen to that song when I was super down at one point, and it always brought back shitty memories... But we listened to it in the car on the way there and I blasted it and it just made me laugh. So he played it and I screamed out the words, and left with my ears ringing loudly.

I'm sad I couldn't see them with Billy there, but it was still kickass.

My brother and I left wanting yakuza sleeves.

go blonde, eat cereal

2010-10-01T22:56:00.000-07:00

Colorwheel is finished.

Daul's going in my lookbook, now!

Say hi

2010-09-30T20:47:00.000-07:00

Justin 8:19 pm
    thats because you go out of your way to seem like a guy
Bailie 8:19 pm
    LOL I DO NOT
Justin 8:19 pm
    ....

mullet

    argument over
Bailie 8:20 pm
    dude I cut my mullet off
Justin 8:20 pm
    is it a mohawk now?

LOLLLLLLLL

OH SHIT

    ZING
Bailie 8:20 pm
    .....
    ............................................................. ]8
Justin 8:20 pm
    my ribs

    LMAO
Bailie 8:20 pm
    FUCK YOU JUSTIN
    LOL
    IT'S NOT TECHNICALLY A MOHAWK ANYWAY
    the sides are shaved
Justin 8:21 pm
    HOLY SHIT IT IS A MOHAWK
Bailie 8:21 pm
    LOL
    SHUT UP

...............

Bailie 8:22 pm
    there's still a little bit
    of a dyke mullet
    in the back

Justin 8:22 pm
    just stop
Bailie 8:22 pm
    so I guess I'm only perpetuating
    the stereotype
Justin 8:22 pm
    please, you need to stop
Bailie 8:22 pm
    LOLLL
Justin 8:22 pm
    your making it worse for yourself

I'm still trying to figure out what to wear for next week. WE'RE GOING MOD! I need to go to American Vintage or Aardvarks or something. I fucking hate that our team color is pink, only because I can't buy pieces that I'll be able to re-use. I mean, I guess I could buy some mostly black shit, and get a pink tie or something. I just want to be able to recycle if I spend the money on this stuff (our dress-code is solid black only, lol). I'm sure I'll be able to figure out something, though. Wish me luck!

PERFECTIONISM

2010-09-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

A few of my favorites from Gareth Pugh S/S 2011.

I don't really have any sort of pseudo-intellectual bullshit as to why the minimal patterns and lines and structure tell a story and blah blah whatever. These pieces are bad ass, though. I've seen more breathtaking shit from Pugh in past seasons, but I like this, too. I'd definitely wear anything from this collection. Especially the jackets. Amazing.

Today brought up interesting conversation that made me think about a few things. Something I love about this industry, something that applies to really just life in general, is that nothing is immutable. Like fashion changing each season, everyone is continually reaching the top and being knocked down by someone climbing up the ladder. Perfectionism creates this unstoppable drive to become the best - but to no avail, because you will always be looking up toward someone else.

I think that's part of what I love about it.

I'm sure everyone else can relate to working toward a goal and accomplishing it, or finally buying something you've wanted forever, or finally finishing that super fucking long book series or something.

Just that satisfaction in reaching the end, and then the immediate... unsatisfied feeling afterward. The "what next?" feeling. Continuing.

I always feel like that. I'm always unsatisfied. I always have some sort of goal to accomplish, and once I'm finished, I have that obnoxious driving knot in my stomach to keep going.

We can only continually work at becoming the greatest, and there's something exciting about that.

Otherwise, it made my day when this girl from the other core said she wanted Katherine Moennig to be waiting for us in our classrooms. I high-fived her.

OH MY SUPER GIRL NI SHI WO DE BABY GIRL

2010-09-28T22:29:00.000-07:00

MONSIEUR B∀ILIE says:
girls at school were talking about how hot these certain dudes were
and I had to be like
"I like skinny asian guys?"
"...that dance and stuff"
and they were like "......."
Nicole says:
ROFL
LOL THEYRE DANCING
AND THAT ONE DUDE HAS SUSPENDERSSSS
MONSIEUR B∀ILIE says:
HE DOES.
BUT THERE'S NO FAT ONE
BECAUSE HE CAN'T SING IN MANDARIN
Nicole says:
EXCELLENT

OH MY SUPER GIRL WO SHI NI DE SUPER MAYUN.

Had a good day. I did a curly, regent-up-do, while we played 2NE1 and G-Dragon and Gaga in class. At lunch, we talked about genital piercings and... something else. I forgot. This girl in my class worked at a tattoo shop for 10 years, and started telling all of these awesome, gross piercing horror stories.

The guy in class who was licensed out of state left school today. He found out he didn't actually have to take an entire cosmetology course in order to get his license here. I never really got to thank him for what he said to me, and I didn't get to say good bye, either.

I think I'll just make what he said happen. That'd be a good thanks.

PS, FFFF JYJ IS DOING A US TOUR. Always wanted to see TVXQ before I died, but since I can't now, this is totally the next best thing, fuck yeah.

KRISTEN MCMENAMY, GORGEOUS, FLAWLESS, PERFECTION, ETC.

2010-09-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

COULD WE FIIIIIX YOU IF YOU BROOOKEEEE (hair shafts)

2010-09-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

A good ending to my week.

Yesterday was so stressful, so I was glad today we were just sitting down and taking notes. I'm not really a left-brained person at all, but science and generally left-centered concepts become more interesting when it relates back to a subject you like. Especially because the things I learned today are things I'm going to use for the rest of my life, so that was pretty cool.

I like taking notes, anyway.

Two people said ended up saying something to me that not only made my ego grow enormously, but really just secured my confidence in myself. It was just funny because they were both completely separate occasions, so I was like "woh".

It was cool though, because one of those people is already licensed. They said "I can already tell you're going to make it far in this industry-- so if we get out of this and never talk to each other again, just remember I said that".

I was just like "....I BETTER GO FAR IN THIS INDUSTRY, I NEED TO BE THE BEST".

Hahaha. I'm so fucking determined, and if I exude that, then I'm even happier.

I feel like I am the biggest competition-- and everyone else is my competition.

But even then, I still love everyone in my class. Everyone's great.

So, next week is color week. I am very excited. I'm seriously considering going platinum again. Properly, this time. So after I learn a bit of this, I'm probably going to do it. I can buy better toners and what not at my school, anyway.

CHEMISTRY, BONDS, AND IONS

Bang

I see what you did there, fingerwaves.

2010-09-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

I wholly understand why my teacher said this very day while she was still a student, is the day that made her want to quit school.

Jesus christ, it's such a simple concept, too. But for some reason, it's so fucking difficult.

Finger waves, you son of a bitch.

I ended up getting it FINALLY, towards the end of the day.

But then we did rollers. Uggghhh, those are obnoxious too.

It was just a lot in one day, and while I work extremely well under pressure, the perfectionist in me becomes frustrated over things like that.

But it was the first time I've ever done anything like I did today.

It's really easy to become self-defeating when you have days like that, and that's exactly what they were warning us about--- so I kind of had to sit myself down and say "hey, you have 1600 hours to become the fucking master of this, don't sweat it.".

I HAD TO SCREAM IN MY CAR THAT I WOULD DO GAGA'S HAIR AND WORK AT FASHION WEEK.

It's part of why I love their attitude so much. Whenever someone in class says something negative, they have to say an affirmation about themselves. In present tense. "I am the best hairstylist" is thrown around a lot.   I can tell some people think it's ridiculous and silly to say shit like that, but you have to fucking believe that in order to really succeed.

It's such a competitive industry, and so you have to know that you're the pokemon master of it. You have to know that you're better than every single one of those people, because if you believe it, you can become the best.

I really like homework tonight, though. Collage time.

CHEMISTRY AND SCIENCE TOMORROW! (mildly excited, actually)   And then color week is all next week. I can't fucking waaaaait for color week.

breathtaking chaos sequence of events

2010-09-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

First few days of school:

- Drank the koolaid
- Chinese fire-drilled the class that started a week before us
- Learned how to properly drape a guest
- Gave hugs to strangers. Oh, and the Backstreet Boys were there, too. (some girls cried)
- Mr. T was also there. He said the T stands for "temperature", because he makes it hot.
- Then I shampooed someone for the first time. ...At least, the first time in a traditional setting. Washing hair dye out of someone's hair while they're bent over a bathtub doesn't count.
- Discovered fellow ambitious people.

It's pretty fucking amazing.

I felt like a sap because I felt the urge to get all choked up on the drive home from the first day. It's just really cool, because the teachers have the same ideals that I do. There are some people there who have the same ideals, as well.

Because I feel like I'll explode any day now from this ambition and this excitement and this determination. So I've found a place that continually sucks out and injects me with even more ambition and excitement.

...Well, I guess injects me with knowledge of this trade, too. That's kind of important.

I have great teachers, though.

I feel like this is making up for everything I fucking missed out on in highschool. I never fucking went to public school, and I never had that one life-changing teacher that everyone seems to have had. I was cheated out of all of that, but I have this crazy feeling that going here is going to make everything fucking incredible.

Waking up at 6 is hard, and sitting in traffic for an hour sucks too, but once I walk through those doors and I can smell the clinic floor and be immersed in the fast paced chaos, the endless chatter, the sound of blow-dryers and the thought that I'm going to be the best stylist---the negativity kind of melts away.

INJECT ME BABY I'M A FREE BITCH

PS, I want Kristen McMenamy's hair.
Why can't I go gray faster.

let's let's let's let's let's

2010-09-21T00:17:00.000-07:00

I am 6-5-4 and I will be an incredible hairstylist, someday.

Paws up for Gaga, because I'm having a Gaga dance party instead of sleeping.

First day of school adventure starts tomorrow.

It is most definitely karma.

2010-09-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT.

This is what my room currently looks like. So, like hoarders fucked leopard print and shit this beauty out. I guess.

There's just a mess everywhere and I haven't fully been able to unpack everything, or organize everything. I made a half assed attempt this weekend, but I have fallen ill! This always happens when I fly on airplanes. Everyone says to take airborne or some shit before I go, and I never listen, and then I come back feeling great, go to bed, and I wake up with the black lung. Go figure.

It's not actually so bad at the moment. I woke up Saturday and could barely breathe, so today was a bit better. I'm just going to feel weird if it's as bad on Tuesday, and I walk into class hacking up my lungs. Oh, by the way, school starts in two days. FFFFFF-- I am nervous and excited. I still have to pay for my parking pass. You see, I like waiting until the last minute to do things. It's how I do.

I figure once school starts and I get a little more money into my pockets, I'll have the motivation to put up the rest of my posters and my cork board aaand buy a clothes rack to hang up the shit that should be hung up, but is currently resting atop my hamper. Yes.

Sitting around, drinking tea, watchin' Daria.

AT LEAST I HAVE GAGA TO KEEP ME COMPANY IN MY TIME OF ILLNESS.

In anycase, one last full day of work tomorrow, and then school starts. I know tomorrow is going to go by painfully slow, but I'm hoping coffee and training H to do the mail will make the day go by faster. After that, I have to buckle down and figure out what to wear on my first day. I'm probably going to go out and buy some hair dye or something, but I'm so messy at dyeing my own hair that I know I'll get it all over myself, and so I have to decide whether or not I want to walk into the first day of class with dark dye all over my neck, ha. I MIGHT BE THAT ADVENTUROUS, THOUGH.

All in all, it's been a pretty pleasant summer. Krishna's been good to me. The weather has been good to me. This is the first summer I've lived where it's been predominately 75 degrees everyday. Holy fucking shit, right? I've been able to wear fucking sweaters in the god damn summer. Though, I can't help but think of winter and Christmas, a lot. I'm really missing the rain, here. It gets me all nostalgic.

halo my name is desukun and i was sent hurr 2 seduce u

2010-09-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

` ` k r i s t e n . says:
DESUDESU
KUN
^___^
NYAAA
MONSIEUR B∀ILIE says:
^_~
nyo~ron
:3
` ` k r i s t e n . says:
=^~^=
MONSIEUR B∀ILIE says:
(^ w ^ ;;;)

So, I was thinking about things. Ohh man, getting personal now? But Bailie, it's much too soon to be doing that. You haven't even reached first base with this thing here. How can you even think of writing something like this, this soon? Sshhh.

So I was thinking. About everything, because that's what I do when I'm struggling to stay awake after taking benadryl to get to sleep.

I remembered that thing you posted a long time ago. I had way too much pride to acknowledge it. I actually still have too much pride, but considering no one will ever read this (and if someone is reading this, you now do not exist), I'm bringing it up now.

I hated it because the one about me was painfully obvious, and it wasn't even anything bad about me. I guess to anyone else it would have been considered nice. But I hated it. Mostly because I was filled with so much pride, and because that was the last thing I wanted, and you were wishing it upon me. And assuming that's what I worried about, or something. But you were wrong.

So months and months later, I find myself sitting here. It's taken forever to get to this point, but I'm finally my confident self again, you know. It was really tedious getting back here.

So I wonder when other people wish the same thing on others... Or when people just wish it for themselves. It's kind of weird to me. Part of me feels like that will never exist again, but you know, never say never. Or rather, it's just not something I've concerned myself with?

I'd like to be lame enough to quote Johnny Rotten right now, and say I'VE GOT NO EMOTIONSSS FOR ANYBODY ELSE, YOU BETTER UNDERSTAND I'M IN LOVE WITH MYSELF, MYSEEEELF. MY BEAUTIFUL SELF. No feelings for anybody else, except for myself.

It feels really good, though. You forget how good, after awhile, until you're able to do it again.

I'm a really fucking vague bear right now, but even for me, it's saying almost too much. Scandalous. It's nice to get out though. Mostly because when you've never gotten to say what you wanted, and then you finally come to the point where you're cool with saying everything, it feels like a huge boulder's been lifted.

Sometimes I wonder about the amount of ambition in everyone else. Sometimes I feel like what I was talking about is all they ever worry about. I feel like I spent such a huge chunk of my life worrying about that. Do you know how long that was? A year. Not wasted, though. You can't say you regret anything. Or at least I can't. But then you go back to ambitions and you're so fucking full of it, that it's bursting out of your finger tips and eye sockets.

I WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE FALLING IN LOVE WITH MYSELF, PERHAPS. Would like to fall in love with my school. Would like to fall in love with some more inspiration. It's funny, you think you miss falling in love until you realize you're in love with so many other things-- you were never missing that feeling at all in the first place.

So I wonder what everyone else ambitions are? It's not something a lot of people talk about or think they have. And most are right, they don't.

I'd like to know, though.

This is all so vague and unnecessary, but also necessary. Some people say I'm fucking stupid and crazy for the things I say I want to do.

But how can anyone not want to try to prove Aristotle right? How can you not pursue that? Even until death? Just keep fucking going until you do everything.

So, what's your function? How will you make it a reality?

dude

2010-09-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

I don't care what anyone says, these are the shit.

TOUR '10 THE UNWAVERING FACT OF FUCK YEAH

2010-09-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

GOD DAMN, BEST TOUR EVER.

It's finally over, too. It felt like the tour lasted forever, but those last four dates went by so quickly that I can't believe they're over. This was the absolute best I've seen of them.

We ended up getting to Club Nokia the day before the show, and met a couple people already waiting there. We fucked around until around 1AM, when they sent out some security guards telling us we had to split because it was private property and they didn't want us there. We got wrist-banded and told to come back the next day at noon and we'd get our front spots back.

Because a bunch of people were already lined up with us, and they told us we all had to leave, we ended up letting 9 people crash on our one-bed hotel room because half of them had nowhere else to go. They had either traveled from an hour or two away or had no cars, so we ended up having a party. Zakk came and visited too, but he ended up leaving that night 'cause he had work.

KAORU'S PICK, AAHHH.

Fuck yeah, they're all purple. JZHZ! This dude tried to swipe it from me but I fucking kicked his ass for it. Seeing Rasetsukoku and ZAN live were utterly amazing. Honestly, I really can't describe how fucking badass it was. It just was. I still get goosebumps thinking about it in my head. LA was, as always, amazing. Best show.

SAN FRANCISCO 9/09/10

Mark Twain wasn't fucking kidding when he said the coldest winter he spent was a summer in San Francisco. Basically, it was really fucking cold. Mostly due to the wind. The show wasn't amazing, either. I was a bit disappointed with the crowd. I was kind of bored with the city, as well, and that was a disappointment. I'm glad I finally visited, though, because I'd been wanting to go to SF for so long and I finally did!

SEATTLE 9/11/10

MET UP WITH LING SDFSDFFD.

Seattle was fucking brutal. Fucking metal. It surpassed San Francisco greatly. We all got rail in front of Kaoru, again. All I have to say is, Shame on you Dir en grey's American management, for making your VIP passes the same for each date. Some of us travel around. After the show, we went back to Ling's house and slept, then woke up early so we could drive to Portland!

PORTLAND 9/12/10

BADASS GRAFFITI BATHROOM IN PORTLAND!

Portland was kind of crazy. I understand why they have the sign that says "keep Portland weird". I figured out that everyone in Portland is either really cool, or they're a crackhead. It was the first time anyone's smoked crack within three feet of me. It kind of smells like shit. The city itself creeped us the fuck out because of how clean and nice looking it was. Very spacious, clean, and empty. It was kind of like in 28 Days Later, when Cillian Murphy woke up and the city was completely empty. That's what Portland was like at first. Except the few infected we saw were just crackheads. Everyone else was cool though! And they had this really awesome arcade behind the venue, too. Ling beat my ass at Mortal Kombat.

The tour finale itself was really good. Rail in front of Kaoru one last time. I'm really glad we went, because this tour was the best I've seen from them.

I met so many cool people this year, and it was definitely the perfect way to end the summer. I'm so fucking happy, and I can't wait until they come back.

School starts next Tuesday! I still need to go clothes shopping, ha. I'm bummed I missed the open house for class, since I was in San Francisco, but I guess I'll just meet everyone on the first day of class. I feel like I should probably dye my hair or something. I like this color and yet I don't.

fuck yeah fuck you SIX FIVE FOUR

2010-09-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

OFFICIALLY CONTRACTED. OFFICIALLYYY ENROLLED.

My student number is pretty bad ass, too. 654. IT'S NUMERICALLY CONSECUTIVE. But backwards. I like it. It's neat.

Mostly, I was just happy it didn't have the number 7 in it, because I hate that number. Six is my favorite number, though. Good luck number. Their james bond-style hand scanning machine was cool, too. Cut out time clock fraud! Now they have my hand print.

I found out there are only ten phase two students at one time. While sitting in a chair behind the phase two section, I guess one of the instructors started talking to me. She was really cute and I thought she was a student at first, because of how young she looked, but she said congratulations on me coming here and that it was going to be amazing, etc. Then she said hopefully one day I could maybe get into phase two, and I just looked at her and said "I will."... and then thought, "ohhh did that come off as too obnoxiously cocky?", so I ended up saying "I'm really, really ambitious" afterwards. She just said "That's good! It's good to just start off wanting it.".

I have two weeks until I start, but I was already looking at those stations and saying to myself "which one will be mine one day?".

I'll become a phase two student. There's really just no option otherwise.

DIVE LIKE HELL AND DESTROY

2010-09-03T23:44:00.000-07:00

I am finally going to meet this motherfucker's stylish ass.

Look at him. Fucking look at him. He is so god damn cool. I can't stand it.

I've met all of them, but for some reason he just kept getting away. This time it'll happen, and I need to fucking high five him or something.

UPCOMING

- 09/08/10 CLUB NOKIA, LOS ANGELES, CA

- 09/09/10 REGENCY BALLROOM, SAN FRANCISCO, CA

- 09/11/10 SHOWBOX SODO, SEATTLE, WA

- 09/12/10 ROSELAND THEATER, PORTLAND, OR

They've been playing RASETSUKOKU, and because of that, I have a feeling these are going to be the best lives I've seen from them. But I say that every time, don't I? I'm curious as to what kind of live show Apocalyptica puts on, too. Either way, I know this tour is going to be amazing.

...... (MOSTLY THOUGH RASETSUKOKU+HAGESHI+ZAN? FUCK YES.)

FIVE DAYS LEFT TO WAIT.

FUCK YEAH FUCK YOU SEPTEMBER IS HERE

2010-09-01T11:36:00.000-07:00

FINALLY.

Life begins this month.

7 days until I see those bastards again.
I am unimaginably excited for this. I'm excited to see everyone again. I'm excited to hear them again. THEY'RE GOING TO PLAY A SONG I'VE WAITED YEARS TO HEAR LIVE. AND ALSO FUCK YEAH FUCK YOU NEW ZAN IS BETTER. They will undoubtedly play it here, too.

My friend has just told me that Kaoru is riding a bicycle around Chicago. I don't know why that's so funny today.

School starts in 20 days. I'm even more excited.
Just have to sign some contracts and everything is finalized.

Having a driver's license is great, too. LA traffic is a bitch to sit in, but there's still a sense of freedom in being able to go wherever you want, whenever. But at a price. I'm learning to save money for gas instead of everything else I want.

Staying content is keeping busy. Happiness is keeping busy with something you love. September begins a steady rhythm of that.

I am excited.

KILLING ME SOFTLY, CHERRY STRAWBERRY VERYVERY GOOD さー

2010-08-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

La seule chose que je manque, c'est parler d'eux avec vous. Vous étiez la seule personne qui les aimait autant que moi.

Je vais les voir à nouveau cette année et ce sera incroyable. Tu vas me manquer un peu, mais après, je vais continuer à vous oublier.

bye bye miss jelly

16 FUCKING DAYS LEFT.

THE REBEL

2010-08-18T20:55:00.000-07:00

Aaahhhh, buzzed head AND piercing?!?!

Let's go out and buy this cover.

FUCKING CLASS HERO ON THE BEACH

2010-08-17T22:09:00.000-07:00

(caps from Time Square)

I liked this movie a lot. Of course, you won't get away without a little cheesiness a la the 80s, but Nicky was a bad ass.

The ending was bittersweet, too, but maybe that's why I liked it.

(of course, the weird garbage bag clothes were what mostly tugged at my heart strings.... )

FUCK YEAH FUCK YOU

it is way too late for this what are you doing with your life

Brusha brusha brusha

"you will never be as young as you are today" so says my kombucha bottle

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE

I really don't know.

I like this

we'll travel 'round the world just you and me punk rock girl

JUNE.

Piano song, play piano soooonggg

FFFFFUUUU

I can carry you on my back

IT RISES FROM THE DEAD

YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

same old same old

what have I been doing

Thought for today

!!!!

太陽

HELLO MONDAY MORNING, WE MEET AGAIN

MILK KILLS

BECAUSE I WANT IT AND I CANNOT HAVE IT.

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY I WAS BONELESS WING

Oklahoma bitches

バス

early morning traffic groove

LONG BEACH

filth high

PUT ON A SHOW TONIGHT SAY WHATEVER YOU LIKE

NATURE

Now that I know what I'm wearing next fall...

because you can't cut up magazines and glue them back together with the internet

IT'S FUNNY . . .

SMASH AND SMASH

Is it dandee or dandoo?

2011

WARSAW

どういたしましてSEX

portefeuille

beautiful morning with you

I drive a rolls royce 'cause it's good for my voice

君のイチゴ

Seal.

今今今今今今今

BLACK FRIDAY

alors on danse

We watched The Walking Dead all night.

TRIPPY

SAY HI TO ONE YEAR

191109

SAY GOOD MORNING

bonjour bonjour

I like to

fuck yeah fuck you success is not an option

tired

dry hands

BEVERLY HILLS FASHION FESTIVAL

Février

記憶な～

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FUCK YEAH FUCK HALLOWEEN

Fuck yeah don't mind if I fucking do

it's because I can't help myself

YOU'RE GOING TO HELL

FROM THE PAST UNTIL COMPLETION

MIAU MIAU

BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE

CAMEL FOOT

Insomnia, I think we should talk about settling down together

It's that time, kids

CONFESSION

PRIME TIME OF YOUR LIFE

I could be sleeping right now........

Be still, my beating heart.

I LOVE YOU, OKAY?

go blonde, eat cereal

PERFECTIONISM

OH MY SUPER GIRL NI SHI WO DE BABY GIRL

KRISTEN MCMENAMY, GORGEOUS, FLAWLESS, PERFECTION, ETC.

COULD WE FIIIIIX YOU IF YOU BROOOKEEEE (hair shafts)

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